Coming soon...

an actual list of the best movies out there. I'm guessing it will look nothing like edgrimly's. Hell, I'm not even sure I've seen any on his list. My list will be good... Dang me for having to pack... and clean and fun stuff like that. Vacation is fun!

Lucille's...

fucking rocks. I don't care what you
say, I love this place. Granted - there are too many people getting married but outside of that, these people can play the fuckin' piano and they go on and on... I'm sure there were more people getting married after we left and we saw at least 7 women...
I need to hang out with Bonny more... :)

I'm not a drunk...

but apparently I play one at the ballpark. I was in line to get a dog and some fries and decided since I finished my beer while waiting in line for at least 15 minutes, I'd get another. The girl takes my order, asks for my id, looks at me, looks at my id, looks at me again, hands me back my id and says "i don't feel comfortable serving you a beer." I was floored. I figured she didn't think I looked like my id but really I've looked the same since I was 2 - just bigger- and who is going to fake an id to show they're 34? Doesn't seem logical. So I said "what?" Apparently my eyes were too red and she thought I was too drunk already... I had 3, maybe 4 beers. I'm not an alcoholic but anyone who knows me knows I'm not drunk - hell, barely buzzed. I was completely confused so I said "after 3 beers? that's fine. I'll just go to the next stand." But I didn't. I just sat in line for 15 minutes. I didn't want to wait again for a crappy Miller Lite... We went to Long Wong's. Everyone I told the story was confused. My eyes weren't red. They still aren't. Absolute power...corrupts absolutely. donkeys.

This isn't funny...

I was looking around for funny stories about dumb people doing stupid things. This shit right here - is not funny. Or I need to look up the definition again.

Rest easy world...

Graceland is now welcoming the Elvis impersonators... as long as they respect the King. How do you disrespect him? Show up with a toilet stuck to your donkey? Really. He's Elvis. You have to respect the man on principle.
I know I'm going to sleep better.

Movie and a blog...

So I backpacked alone through Italy a few years back and while there I stayed in hostels. alone. and I never saw anything like I just saw on tv... Yes, people had sex. Yes, people were loaded. Yes, I shared drinks with lots of people from around the world. But never did anyone get their heels slit open. Maybe it's Mary Jane. But I don't think I can finish watching... someone will have to tell me what I missed. I was bored until this part. When the guy from Men in Trees gets caught and is getting drilled... I'm out.

11 Year Olds can kick my ass...

so tonight i was leaving my brothers house after spending the day at the fair with him, his wife, and two of the kids and then hanging out watching videos and eating and drinking when my nephew comes to give me a combo hug/take-down in the kitchen to say good-bye.... He's eleven. I ended up bleeding. I doubt he was... dang that alcohol.

Look around people...

I think Fridays are going to change. My friend spilled his bike because some dumbass couldn't be bothered to look around before turning. There are other people besides you on the street - donkey.

So now I'm going to feel weird and nervous getting on the Harley. Damn you - stupid girl! Damn you to hell!

I'm drunk....

so here is a list of things I enjoy:

1. They Might Be Giants. Really? Do I have to say more? I used to stand on the coffee table of the first apartment I shared with Alex and Dawn strumming on a paper mache guitar I stole for Taco Bell to them. All. The. Time. "I returned a bag of groceries accidentally taken off the shelf before the expiration date..." I will never forget them. And The Shins - I don't care how old school they seem, I still like them. (Especially the Chutes Too Narrow era...)
2. I thought Garden State was hilarious! Regardless of what my friends may say - I thought it was really funny. ("Do you know you have Balls written on your forehead?" - or something like that.)
3. Oprah is a bitch. A Million Little Pieces by James Frey was a great book and he doesn't need to apologize to her dumb ass... She is not god or whoever you look up to and nothing needs to be explained to her bitch-ass. Get over it - you're not the world... no matter how big you get.
4. Weeds - I'm sorry. Friends who smoke and friends who don't - this shit is funny. Mary Louise Parker rocks as the dealer and she's hot too! I'd buy from her. Well - if she weren't so well known and I knew I wouldn't get caught doing it... (for the record, I'd buy from Matthew McConaughey too... not that he smokes...wink wink)
5. Harry Potter - I don't even feel the need to justify it. If you're not on the HP bandwagon - then screw you. (Did I mention I'm drunk and can't be held responsible?...)
6. Yes I will watch LOTR over and over... well, not over and over since the extended versions last about 4 hours each and I haven't stayed up that many hours in a row in quite some time, but still..
7. Any sports event. I may not know what's going on, but I enjoy any live sports event. Even the Packers game when it was a 60 degrees below zero wind chill - I loved it. It's just something different when you're actually at the game versus watching it on the little Sony...
8. Hair on my face (not mine).
9. Touching for no reason. I completely understand this is a drunk thing of mine. I'm not a touchy-feely person unless I'm drunk, then if I'm drunk I have to touch you while I'm talking to you. Deal with it. I can't stop it and I don't really want to. I like the feeling.

Ok - too much into my little world. I'm about to head out for the night - maybe it'll be as crazy as last week. Maybe I'll fall off the bike. Who knows.

What do we do on Fridays?

Apparently we hop on a Harley and bar hop... But first, we drink some Leinie's and search the Internets for the one I'm currently crushing on (Jennifer Nettles for those of you not paying attention) ...




She sounds so much like Ani Difranco in this - another love of mine - that I had to find her too. Now this 'song' isn't for the faint of heart (and the video was made by someone on youtube so take it for what it's worth) ... or for the people who've loved what's happened since 9/11/01, but it rocks my world and is phenomenal (I don't care if that's redundant). She is more political than me but I love her style. And while this song doesn't really prove her coolness (although she is), this girl will be playing a concert - rocking her guitar - and when a string snaps and cuts her arm, she'll just keep playing while restringing the bitch. That is bad ass. I don't care what you say...

(the song is long but worth it. Go get a drink - just have it loud enough to hear.)

You read it here first...

I have $10 riding on the Brewers making the World Series... I don't think they will. The girl losing the bet disagrees. Now I just have to think of ways to spend all the loot. (perhaps a couple more bets need to be won...)

How do you survive...

If everything you earn is supposed to go to someone else? I mean I realize there's some loophole out there for this donkey but shouldn't he be having a hard go of it?

(I did link an uploaded copy of what was supposed to be his "fictional" book - If I Did It - but I was having an ethical issue doing that, so you'll have to find it yourself if you want it. I'd rather pay the Goldman's...not that I ever plan on reading it.)

What's funnier....

...than carrying a monkey under your hat from Peru to New York? Having someone ask you if you knew it was there. At least it was a well-behaved monkey... (There are so many jokes here but I can't seem to verbalize them. Sad. And lame.)

Jennifer Nettles - I love you...

I don't care what you say, I love this girl!



I would have put Living on a Prayer on but I hate when the lips are behind by a lot...

And the Russians...

Make a very tasty vodka... very tasty indeed. Even better when your works suck donkey.

Don't Get Me Wrong...

I absolutely love The Muppets. Seriously, I really enjoy them. They're funny. They have jokes for the kiddies and the adults and they are generally do lots of dumb stuff. And my issue isn't really with them...

If you're a reporter, does it make you more or less credible when you spend time interviewing Miss Piggy? I can see asking the frog how he keeps his collar so ironed or how it feels tooling around naked most of the time, but asking Piggy if she's had any work done?... come on now.

Isn't it obvious?

The State Fair...

I should have so much more to say about the fair, but all I can say is Berry Weiss, Spotted Cow, potatoes, and dueling pianos make for a pretty fun afternoon/night. I can't even make fun of anyone's tube socks. That sucks... Maybe next time. Oh - and if you come across some hot sauce called Spontaneous Combustion... it's nothing compared to Da' Bomb. That shit burned a hole in my tongue. Wicked.

Barhopping is fun.

Alright - the plan for Friday night was to just stay home, have some drinks, and let the week drip off with all the contempt I had for it. The plan changed. I got a phone call asking if I wanted to get a drink somewhere and talking about how great of a night it was for a ride. I couldn't refuse. I'm currently a sucker for a Harley ride. It turned out being the perfect night for about 5 minutes, then it turned pretty cold but the beer that was already in me was keeping me pretty toasty warm. Here's what happened:

Bar #1 - nothing too exciting. They had Berry Weiss but for some reason didn't have it cold. Really? Are we in Ireland? Did I ask for a Guiness? Corona it was... I don't recall the conversation but all I do know is that I was threatened with a "whoop-ass stick". I probably would have been worried if I had any idea what the hell a whoop-ass stick was. I'm still waiting, but I think I can take it.

Bar #2 - this was a biker bar playing some serious r&b/hip-hop music. Seemed out of place but everyone could sing to "Strokin'" so I guess it belonged. I got carded. Lame. No Berry Weiss again so I asked for a Spotted Cow which they had on tap. Apparently I looked thirsty because she asked if I wanted a pitcher... We didn't plan on hanging out - being too close to where I grew up makes me nervous - so I went with the pint. We get out to the bike and the people parked next to us stumble to their car where their dog is waiting (do dogs ever need to go to the bar?) and tried for minutes to unlock the door. And they weren't using keys; the window was open wide enough for them to put their hand in and unlock it from there. We waited for them to pull out before us. I sure hope the dog got home save.

Bar #3 - and this is the fun(ny) one. We showed up and I was the only female in the bar besides the bartender. (Come to think of it - all the bartenders tonight were women. That rocks.) I feel obligated but not hopeful when I ask for Berry Weiss (dammit- isn't Leinenkugel's made in WI?) and end up with a Spotted Cow. We're hanging out, chatting for a while when one of the customers gets up to leave and shouts to his friend not to act like one of those African Americans (and yes he uses those words.). I look at my friend a little confused and asked "what does that mean?" Two seconds later, the same guy is walking past the window and shouts yelling about "ni****". Almost simultaneously my friend and I pick up our drinks to finish them and say "ready to go". THEN, the guy next to us - upon hearing the use of this ridiculous word says 'this is my kind of bar' and moves to sit closer to us. And someone else puts some money in the juke box and plays some crazy song whose only lyrics I can remember are "Fuck Off". These two events turn the moment from "let's get out of here" to "I can't get off this barstool - these people are completely insane and I have to sit and watch to see how it all plays out". For the next hour or so this guy talks to us, buys us drinks (which we almost got ourselves since I think the bartender was 'loving' her boyfriend in the back room), shows us his Green Bay Packers tattoo on his chest (bigger fan than I'll ever be. of anything.), takes a hit of "e" at the bar with his buddy, and generally tells us his life story. (He's going to read Sunday's paper and look for anyone looking for mason help and just show up.) When he asked us to play pool the novelty of the place had worn off so we took our leave.

The night ended with one of the bumpiest two minute rides of my life. On the bike that is. And I got home just in time to finish watching Sugarland at Summerfest - which was fantastic.

Moral of the story? Not only are people dumb, they are pretty weird too. But it all makes for a pretty fun night.

How is Jabba in charge of anyone?

So, it's my first real post. No, the other one doesn't count. And I have a question. Since I already said I'm watching Return of the Jedi in the last post that didn't count, it only makes sense that I'd have an issue about that... why the hell does Jabba the Hut have followers? Isn't he just a big blob? Can't people just disagree and walk away? I don't think he can get up - can he?

And why does Princess Leia make out with every damn thing?

And honestly, the light saber? When Luke was done racing in the woods with the Storm Trooper - it went down pretty quickly... And what kind of Marquis de Sade mask was Vader wearing? holy hell, random light saber flair ups anyone...

And what the hell are Ewoks anyway? Besides little people in furry costumes...

Now I fully admit that the only thing I know about Star Wars is how tasty and chewy my brother's R2D2 "action figure" was, but I'm completely interested in any world that is as diverse as this. I mean really - if you invite me to a party where you tell me a Wookie will be - I am so there. Seriously - who wouldn't be?

how does this shit go

So I'm cranky and drinking and actually watching Return of the Jedi (lower my head in shame) and decided "what the hell". Time to see what this blogging is all about. so far - so easy. I should have more to say once I tool around this thing. later.